I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
