Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
