Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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