Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
