but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
