His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
