My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize