I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
