he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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