She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
