I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
