I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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