five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
