His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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