Welp...herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
