I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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