I'm lost and stupid without you.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
