Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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