weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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