she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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