They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Small penises have feelings too.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
