It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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