I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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