i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize