i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
