omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
