i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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