Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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