It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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