I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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