Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
