I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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