I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
