He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
