WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
