i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
