chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize