Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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