is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
