You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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