so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
