omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
