Whod you bang
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
