...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
