I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
