How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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