based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
