I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
