I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
