Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
