just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
