its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
