i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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