Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
