I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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