It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
