someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
