Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize