People in love make me want to vomit
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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