Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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