Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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