I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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