No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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