Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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