Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
