omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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